25.5.09

the dotted line

this summer will resemble my others with student life very little. which is just what i need. the mix of people that are shuffled around, moved, and traded to finally make up a student life camp staff is unique to say the least and God breathed to say the truth. He has really out done himself this summer, these guys are amazing. 
im working through the challenges of my new position and finding more every minute. i can see the makings of quite possible the most rewarding and growth filled summer i have seen as a part of this organization.  i seems as though i have all the preliminary issues worked out, i know what i want, and the contract is in front of my waiting to be signed. why is it then, that our wants and desires dont often align? i suppose one could blame it on adam and eve, lucifer, or even society. in the end i imagine this step will be strikingly similar to other steps i have climbed in the past, only accomplish by surrendering to a divine will.
well, its time for another meeting. 
i think ill sign it pretty soon, its kinda one of those divorce/new hire contracts if you care to know.

ryan


23.5.09

Whos Insecure? i-i-im not

for some time now i have been almost completely disinterested in casual and flippant conversations and relationships. in my mind, i have this mindset because i dont want to be fake with anyone. i know that there are some people in this world that i enjoy and many people in this world that i do not enjoy. realizing this allows me to focus my energies on the people that i care about and also care about me.
but perhaps my prideful focus is simply a display of insecurity. one could ask, "why would a guy avoid simple conversations with aquaintences and seek out "meaningful conversations" with people who also care about him?" maybe im hiding behind the security of relationships that are without consequence. relationships where no matter what i do or say, that person will not change there mind about who i really am.
so am i showing insecurity by not making small talk? or am i rising above the insecurity of our society by not trying to boost my ego with half-hearted compliments and lip service?

21.5.09

birmingham

im going to make this site into a travel journal of sorts as well as a journal of thoughts, decided that just now. im kinda bored. but i do think this is going to provide, much needed, release this summer as i travel with Student Life. (granted i actually continue writing)
flashback-
i left on tuesday, may the 17th from hobby airport in houston bound for birmingham. every time i drive to hobby airport i am baffled that one can be in houston and still be an hour away from your destination,on the interstate, no traffic. if everything is actually bigger in texas, then houston is our poster child.
my first day in the office in birmingham would rival a black family reunion in the hug and "oh my goodness, (insert name) ! how are you?" department. i love these people though. i dont say that about too many people. in many ways i feel at home here.
present-
tomorrow we pack the trucks for travel. its gonna be a long day. very exciting though. that will be the last thing to be done before the rest of the teams get here for training on sunday. its hard to believe this is my fourth summer with Student Life. when im here those summers seem like they happened last week, just with a different hair cut and a much smaller worldview.
you should definately check out The Bittersweets. i downloaded them from Noisetrade.com
just found them.

20.5.09



cargo pant day will come

im not sure whether or not i posses the level of openness that a blog like this requires but i think i might conjure up some thoughts worth reading.
my understanding of the world of relationships is that one can only be truly close to one person in this life at a time. by "truly close" i mean a mutal love and respect that envolves a mutal investment into a single account, acessible to each, if and only if, they are making deposits.

the bank that holds these accounts is quite small. the tellers in the lobby dont see a whole lot of action. the New Account Forms are gathering dust. too bad it cant receive a bail-out.

some people have a piggy bank. and piggy banks are great.
cargo pant day will come. (d. martin) youll walk up to the first homeless person who asks you for change and say, "you just hit the jackpot fool!"
well maybe get to know the homeless person first...

if you have an account with a friend, realize the wealth you have available to you.
if you dont, youre not alone.

ryan