i just want something to move me.

one of my favorite things to do is to change my guitar strings.
it has a therapeutic aspect to it but the part i love comes from the expectancy of the first note the strings make. its a crisp, smooth, light, yet heavy enough to send chills through my body. in a moment my guitar, the one ive had for 7 years and heard trillions of notes resonate from, becomes new all over again.
the other day i was playing my guitar at my grandmaws house and my aunt asked me if i was practicing. to be honest, it was kind of insulting. not that im so good that i dont need to practice, that couldnt be further from the truth. i dont pluck the strings to become more skilled.
i play for those moments when my fingers find a tune that takes me by surprise.
i just want something to move me.
the thought of playing just to become more proficient seems so shallow.
i think our christian lives should be more like this too. less legalism. more passion.

ive also been thinking about that matchbox twenty song, bright lights. not the whole song, but one line in particular.
i think in some way people are actually looking for scars they can talk about. if i was looking, it was purely subconscious though.


audibles from the sideline

life after camp this summer has been different than other summers. while every fall seems to be a "play it by ear" kind of thing for me, this year my ear has had a hard time hearing the audibles from the sideline. but God is faithful.
its been on my tongue for some time now, the idea that christians are not called to the "american dream". but i think God is finally teaching me what that means.
im going to north east texas to work with my uncle for a while. i dont know all the ways that He plans to use me there yet, but i know that He has work for me there. going there means i will not be going to school this semester, which troubles me more than i expected. i care what people think about my decisions. God must work differently in other christians lives, i guess that only makes sense.
to know that He has called you to something and acting on that calling, gives one more security than any degree could ever create.
this fall is also different because of the girl i took on a date last night. its been atypical so far in all the right ways. i think i have a lot to learn from her, if i dont ruin it.
its as if we both know there is something beautiful to uncover, under layers of time and knowledge, a prize that neither wants to disturb. so we surround it, discuss its whereabouts, and peel back layers one by anxious one.
this blog is not becoming a diary, just hang with me for a while...


hour-like instants

its wasnt the greeting that i had envisioned in my mind after coming home from a 3 month trip, but i dont think God's timing has any trouble trumping my ideas of order and preference.
on our drive home from the airport my family and i received a call form my aunt saying that my cousin had likely been killed in a 4 wheeler accident. now i considered building the suspense a few more lines but i dont think thats fair... he did not die. hes in the icu in texarkana right now, his body outfitted with some of the finest equipment modern medicine has to offer: a ventilator, iv, and enough meds to keep him unconscious for a very long time.
he has a broken shoulder and road rash from head to toe, creating enough pain to require him to be unconscious, and creating enough scars that his chances of finding a hot wife went from "Unlikely" to "Maybe Pity Is Your Best Bet".
i speak of this lightly because we know now that there is no life threatening damage, because hes really tough, and, well, because hes an idiot.
but those long minutes and hour-like instants change you. he would have been the closest person to me to die. we grew up together. in the summers it was just me and him. our closest neighbors were farther away than our bikes were allowed to take us, so it was just us.
today hes been known for his share of screw ups but anyone could tell you hes a great guy at heart.
i just hope theres a way he can avoid doing time when he gets out of the hospital. i wish that was a joke.



after a long morning of driving, loading into the warehouse, and goodbyes, im on the surprise second leg of my flight to houston. we just stopped in new orleans and dropped off the gang of drunken sorority girls sitting across the aisle from me. klynn is in the window seat next to me listening to her ipod. she doesnt even look out the window. i love the window seat. jerk. im putting down my second cran-apple juice and trying to replay an exciting summer in my head.

there was the morning at lee university when alyssa changed my rec partners and i had to switch the rec leaders colors 5 minutes before orientation.

or the load-in at estes park colorado that will forever live in infamy as the snowy load-in of 2009.

or at the same location when kevin and i watched elk right by our porch. at like 6am. in our underwear.

and the kickball game under the lights of the oklahoma baptist intramural fields, while campers watched from all 4 stories of the adjacent building, cheering us on to victory over the student staffers...

now its time to go back into a world where Gods will seems harder to pinpoint and my will is crystal clear.


same truth, different shadows.

were finishing this thing up at palm beach atlantic university in west palm beach florida. while sitting in the back of the worship room, a thought came to me that i need to get into text before i lose it.
a few weeks ago my rec staff and i had a very productive "end of the summer" type meeting. i try to make sure we dont have many meetings, mainly cause i get tired of fighting the side conversations. love those guys , gonna miss them a lot, ADD and all.
the meeting was centered around the idea that if we are not becoming a better rec staff, we are becoming a worse rec staff. we could continue to go throughout the summer doing our jobs well or we could continue to seek excellence and improve everyday.
we shared our struggles, encouraged each other, and prayed together. very touching. the kinda stuff lifetime movies are made of.
but right now im thinking how this is a truth that all Christians should embrace. i think this should be one of our distinguishing qualities.
a few weeks ago at oklahoma baptist university, neil mcclendon said something that has stuck with me. he said that Christians used to be known for and could be identified by their work ethic. Christians were dedicated to their labor and performed their tasks with integrity and excellence. this idea should be taught in our american churches.
but this isnt specific to our jobs, because complacency rots your whole self. physical, mental, and spiritual.
it just makes sense. we as Christians are alive, the world is dead. we have hope, the world has despair. but do we act like it?
i know for me, if i am not seeking Gods will for my life and the righteousness that He has called me to, there is very little happiness in my life. because God did not create us to be complacent. like a runner, who was born to race, that has made a detour halfway through his final marathon to have dinner with his mother-in-law.
if youre not running, youre sliding down a slippery slope towards sin.
its funny how something you have taked about all your life is uncovered in a new light. same truth, different shadows.